The arising thought,......the "taking delivery",........which makes it "MY" thinking, which kicks in the "me",..........which is nothing but a sense of set of distinctions of good/bad, ........enables the actioning (still mentation) of keep alive/denying etc etc,.....

....and some of this enabled action, ...........actualizes as an urge, which makes the brain send out the appropriate signals to all over through the nervous/biological/physiological systems,.......
... such that, fingers run over a key board and an E mail gets sent.

So with Sandeep, as much as for C?

This realisation hit me hard. What a thing, to realise that I hadn't realised that.



It is said that the real Guru demolishes the identity of the seeker in the seeker and thereby destroys the identity of a Guru as a Guru,......(for the seeker).


For the Guru, there was no identities in the dialogue, or in the relating.


But for the seeker, there being to it, a sense of seeker-entity, this seeker-entity, .......there is the Guru-entity,

and thus the sense of distinction between the two,.......which births the duality between the two.


The dialogue, the communication, whatever be the means of communication, can only be in a gestalt of this apparent duality (which says something, and which I leave it you to discover)



The real Guru cuts through all that, and thus the enabling of the not-two-ness,..............the not-two-ness of the devotee and the object of devotion.


The not-two-ness, is not created or even re-created by the Guru, as is commonly thought, ...........


.....some Grace, some Shaktipat, some blessings, some look of pure compassion, some technique, some Mantra, from the Gurus will do it for me, if I can just offer the needed ante etc.



In that milieu, ............sometimes, ..................mysteriously, without any casual linkage,.......that which is functioning through the two notionally separated manifest objects (one the Guru, the other the seeker),.......


.....the hypnosis in one of the object, whose consequence was  taking "two" for granted,. that object............that hypnosis snaps.


Have you ever held a lit candle near a unlit one?


The flame of lit cotton wick, if,......... leaps across to the unlit cotton wick .........and......... both are ablaze.


It is as if the flame awakens itself in the unlit candle,..........not that the lit wick, leans over and lights the un-lit wick.


You see Sandeep, although no longer deified, I have been regarding you still as a breed apart (I think you probably realize this).

A hint of distinction,..............lo behold the world.

I started by thinking "but there are distinctions..." til it became apparant to me where that thought was leading to or coming from...


The investment in a thought, any thought arising in the moment, a concequence of that sense of distinction.


Otherwise, the arising thought in a moment,............ dissipates in the same moment.

Yet it does remain true - the statement made above. Without distinctions then everything would be indistinct. There would be no world.

Seeing that the world "exists", long there is a prevailing consciousness  which cognizes it, (and not existing when consciousness is temporarily absent when some one whacks you one the noodle, or of somewhat longer duration when in the state of deep sleep, when even dreaming has ceased  and waking has not happened),.... that gestalt of seeing, of existing........there is pure functioning, .....................which is incomparable intensity and sensitivity.


The inaction in action.

The stillness in activity


The immediacy of echo to the sound, ..........the shadow to shape.



in each and every case, can only be the Whole which acts, in the moment as that particular action.

Every cause has to be the Universal cause.

There is no linear cause-effect continuum, but a holographic Whole.

And that is why ..."pull a blade of grass and shake the Universe".

So where does that leave the me that cannot help but see the patterns it sees or feeling the things it feels?

Seeing the patterns seen, feeling the things felt,......AND.......responding to the seen patterns, to the felt things as per the innate, intrinsic conditioning, prevailing in the moment, in the psycho-somatic object, labeled by society as "C". ...... nuances of the functioning of totality.
This, ..........when the total apperception occurs (which "C" cannot do anything to bring it about).....the consequence, a sense of tremendous lifting of weight from the shoulders, almost ascension- like,........which in turn allows tremendous sensitivity and intensity, in the further responding in the moment to the moment.
Remember, despair or hopelessness, is only relevant to the hoping me-C.

You paint a lovely picture there Sandeep. And an impossible one.


So long, the belief is it's impossible, ............such will be the case.


Observe that,........ as the last tactic of the me-C", a protective armour.


That is all that is needed. (so to say)




 One which I can't get, which is not achievable, yet is so totally revolutionary seemingly, that how could I not want it?

And in the meantime, the thoughts cascading through, it seems as if I miss it.

Now forget about that drawn picture which appears impossible to you and yet "so totally revolutionary seemingly, that how could I not want it"


Just forget about it and do whatever you are moved to do, in the moment.

Moment to moment to moment.


That flame which is to leap across, has to leap, ..................if it is to leap,.........will leap quite irrespective of what "me-C" thinks to be impossible or possible.


Can living be more simple?:-)

Conditioning in the moment, going on. Can't be otherwise. The acceptance or non-acceptance of that not up to me.

Some time back was prattling on surrender....
The prattling that arose........
Surrender is only possible of that which you truly have, own, posses, is it not?
Otherwise you might as well as say,.......... I hereby surrender that silver blue moon in the sky.
Was the blue moon yours in the first place, for you to surrender?
Real surrender is the realization that there is nothing that one has, owns or posses,....
.... not the body, not the mind, not the "pure" thoughts, not the "impure" thoughts,........
.......... nothing whatsoever,.........that can be surrendered.
Including that very realization.
The apperception of this no-possession ...................... the gestalt of surrendered living.

Yes. Til then...


Till then, play with full gusto.:-)


Has a deep, the deepest possible,.........sigh escaped your lips?:-)

A sinking into a state of relaxed helplessness.

As Buddha did under the Bodhi Tree.

What I feel is a deadening of hope.

Ain't no celestial choirs gonna come and rescue me.

I am and this is. Illusions shattering. So fast and so many I don't know which ones to save anymore.

Why not spring clean the whole lot.
And come out and breathe for the first time.

You may or you may not read beyond my purple prose. And it seems it doesn't matter either way.

You've been broken for me. You've all been broken for me.

In what sense?

The predictable is safe. That which breaks through the constructs of predictability, while maybe not really unsafe, can feel so.



The comfort of the familiar, even if the familiar is absolutely the buggering sod.


My construct of you is breaking down. It worried me. Brought up questions of trust.


Ahaaa, so you were trusting the "constructed Sandeep"?:-)

You've undercut my expectations many times,


Expectations from the "constructed Sandeep"?


Can you share a specifc undercutting?

If you feel like.




 and I find it more and more difficult to contain them. All I can find to do is let whatever feeling comes up, move through. Whatever it is.

Who is the other for you?

I don't really understand what you are asking here.


You had earlier stated....

You've been broken for me. You've all been broken for me.

I was inquiring,......who is that other for "me-C"?



Everything is fine C.

Here's a {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{C}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Everything is whatever it is. Extrapolate everything out to nothing and yes it is fine. For me C, today a cyber hug from Sandeep brings tears. I don't know which of all the you's that there is it comes from. And tomorrow, it may or may not feel different.


What difference does tomorrow make, right now?

In the moment, the cyberhug reached you, it spoke to you, what it did.

That's all.


I find it so hard to write to you these days. That's why it takes so long for me to reply. It feels like dangerous territory. Like all that will come out will be what I think I should say, or else that something fundamental might slip.



What are you trying to protect?


Was it ever yours in the first place? 

I keep remembering you saying that there is nothing not to trust. That informs me, when it can.




Each moment speaks.


If there is listening.





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