23d June 2003
Hiya R,
That which comes and goes, that understanding which appears and then disappears, ...........cannot be the real, can it?"
I'm unable, at this point, to make that evaluation. I can and often do babble on about the interconnectedness of all, the seamless oneness of the universe. But these are words and concepts, nothing more. They are not understanding. On those very rare, very brief instances when the boundaries actually disappear, is this a perception of reality or is it just a projection of my words and concepts?
So long the doubt, and hence so long the question,...........it is projections and concepts.
The absence of the uncertainty AND the absence of certainty,..................is the end of all conceptualizations.
I don't know. I do know however, that these moments are of value. These moments have enabled me to see that what arises is always only an eddy in the stream.
YES.
Waves of the Ocean.
Infinite, uniquely architectured, "waves",.........each as "an" objective expression of the Ocean,......appearing simultaneously.
"Problems" are eddies, and the response to problems are eddies. If while crossing the road I see a bus speeding towards me, I will jump our of the way. Both the coming of the bus and my jumping out of its path are the unfolding of what arises.
YES.
Nuances of the same movement in the same moment.
The saint and the sinner,........ ..nuances of the same movement in the same moment.
Birth and Death.....nuances of the same movement in the same moment.
These are not problems. But we can make them problems very easily. I might stand in the street shaking my fist and yelling at the driver. Or, I might leap out of the way, but then spend the next hour rehashing the event in my mind and getting mad at dangerous drivers in general. Or, I could just get out of the way, put the whole arising aside, and go on to the next event.
A problem is a problem only if there is a "me" wishing that the occurring moment,........should not have happened, as it did.
The real problem, is not the problem, but in the feeling that having a problem, is a problem.
In the event, any event......... there is never any problem.
An inappropriate event just cannot occur, in phenomenality.
I see clearly that this last is the appropriate response. But in my daily life I more often forget. My intention is to be mindful always. My habit is that I get distracted and remember to be mindful for only a few minutes at a time.
Sure.
It's referred to as the flip-flop.
Moments of clarity in a sea of darkness.
Invite you to see the appropriateness of even the flip-flops.
And the response I just gave to your question is, of course, just words words words.
To whom, are the arising words,.........a problem?
You must have some idea, some conception, some reference point for this "me", for you to then investigate its independent existential reality"
I have more words and concepts about "me" than I can write here. Most of them have to do with the brain and its different processing centers.
The "me" has nothing to do with the brain and its processing centres.
But these are just concepts.
The "me" I seek is whatever is "in here" perceiving what is "out there".
That is the attribute of sentience, which is most strongly present in the manifest object labeled "humans", to a lesser degree in the objects labeled "animals" and to the least degree in the object labeled "plants".
Sentience, and its added attribute of an ability to discriminate between the cognized objects,.......is what differs the various manifest objects,......otherwise there is no difference, whatsoever.
Sentience is not the "me".
This "me" drops away sometimes.
Sure.
But what is it?
Does it drop away because it's illusory, or does it seem to drop away because my attention is elsewhere?
Park this question, we can come back to it, when we are clear what is the "me".
When there are no boundaries, no in here or out there, who is it that perceives?
When there is no here or there, ..........what is there to be perceived, such that a perceiver would be needed?
More words! "I" seem to be in a verbose mood today.
Silence is not the absence of words, but the absence of the self.
So what is this "me", this "self"?
It is the sense of personal doership.
The belief system, wired around......
-I think,...............................ergo............. I am
-I choose, discern, judge among thoughts,...........ergo,......... I am
-I act on my decision, ...................ergo,.......... I am
-I succeed with my act,..................ergo,....... I am
-I fail with my act, I might be a miserable SOB, but by God,.......I am.
It are these nuances of the sense of personal doership, the concretization of which,... is the sense of the "me", the sense of "doer-entitification", the "self".
The hilarity, is that none of the above threads wounding to form the "me", has any truth in them,.....
.....and thus, .......when you start looking for the "me", .....seriously look for it,.............you will find, there is no such thing.
And yet there are the prevailing feelings, ...........feelings of anxiety, feelings of fear, feelings of anguish at a failure/loss,......feelings of insecurity, (aka whether this is the right decision, right action, right behaviour, whether it will get me what I am looking for etc etc)
The presence of these feelings, ..........infer the "me".
For if you believe that it is YOU which thinks, it is YOU which does, it is YOU which acts, it is YOU which succeeds or fail, out of your independent sense of volition..........
........naturally not knowing the immediate outcome of your act, ........you will be anxious, fearful, insecure.... about the future.
This sense of personal doership,........ is the very sense of separation, from the Whole.
Just like the "wave" in the Ocean,.......so long it assumes that it is "it" which is, and thus it is "it" which rides up and dashes against other waves, against the sea-shore,.......
.......the "wave" is subjected to the oscillations and thus the vicissitudes,....... of the heights of the crest and the troughs of the crash.
The Ocean being the crest and the trough, .................BOTH..............simultaneously,............neither exhilarates nor crashes.
And thus the Oceanic beingness of serenity, while fully particpating in the movement of living.
So what is to be done, if at all you are moved to do something...
Take one decision, one act, one behavior in your past,........ preferably one that has had the deepest impact on your live ................AND...... which, you are completely convinced was an act of your independent volition......
.........and investigate what precisely was your volition, your contribution,........ in that event to enfold, as it did enfold in that moment.
Unravel it, that is,..........go back to the previous event, to the previous thought to the previous act, and to the previous and to the previous.
Etc.