This week-end, caught up with God
and over some tandoori cauliflowers, drowned by some fine Belgian schnapps,
I got him to open up.
Seems He really needed to.........
He moodily mused.........
My dear children, and believe Me, that is all of you, I consider Myself a pretty patient guy.
I mean, look at the Himalayas.
It took millions of years to get it right.
And about evolution?
Boy, nothing is slower than designing that whole Darwinian thing
to take place cell by cell and gene by gene.
And I have been patient through your fashions,
your civilizations, "Vedic", non-Vedic", wars and schemes,
and the countless ways that you take Me for granted
until you get yourselves into Big Trouble
again and again.
I want to let you know about some of the things that started ticking Me off.
First of all, your religious rivalries are driving Me up a wall.
Let's get one thing straight.
These are your religions, not Mine.
I'm the whole enchilada.
I'm beyond 'em all.
Every one of your religions claims that there's only one of Me,
which, by the way, is absolutely true,
but in the very next breath each religion claims that it's My favorite one.
And each claims its "Gita" was written personally by Me,
and that all of the other books are man-made books.
How do I ever begin to put a stop to such complicated nonsense?
All right, listen up now. I am your Father and Mother,
and I don't play favorites among My children.
Also, I hate to break it to you, but I don't write.
My longhand is awful,
and I've always been more of a doer anyway.
So ALL of your books, including those Gitas, Bibles and Korans
were written by men and women.
They were inspired men and women, they were remarkable people,
but they also made mistakes here and there.
And I made sure of that, so that you would never trust a written word
rather than your own living heart.
You see, one human being to Me -- even a bum on the street -- is worth more
than all of the holy books in the world.
That's just the kind of a guy I am.
My spirit is not an historical thing.
It's alive right now, right now, as fresh as your next breath.
Holy books and religious rites are sacred and powerful,
but they are not more so than the least of you.
They were only meant to steer you in the right direction,
not to keep you arguing with each other,
and certainly not to keep you from trusting your own personal
connection with Me.
Which brings Me to My next point about your nonsense.
You act like I need you and your religions to stick up for Me or win souls for My sake.
Please, don't do Me any favors.
I can stand quite well on My own, thank you.
I don't need you to defend Me,
I don't need constant credit.
I don't need you guys killing each other to build a temple,
where I was supposed to have been born.
A greater heap of dog-shit, I have not heard,.....
I the Unborn, the un-Caused, the Eternal,
being born in Bethlehem or Ayodhya.
Ask this question you fatheads, ....
....where am I not, ...
....that I can be born somewhere?
So be good to each other.
And another thing.
I don't get all worked up over money or politics,
so stop dragging My name into your dramas.
For example, I swear to Me that I never threatened Oral Roberts.
I never rode any of Rajneesh's Rolls Royces
and I never told Togadia to spew the hatred that he spews,
or Osama to go and wreck some buildings and kill people,
or Advani or Giriraj Kishore or Murli Manhor Joshi
that they are the custodians of Hindu religion,
or Pat Robertson to run for the US presidency,
and I have never had a conversation with Jim Bakker,
or Jimmy Swaggart,
about the need to spread the Christian word to the heathen world,
or a conversation with the bearded Wahabi maulvis
to establish a Darul-ul-Islam.
Of course, come Judgment Day, I certainly intend to.
Particularly with these folks.
Now the thing is, I want you to stop thinking of religion
as some sort of a loyalty pledge to Me.
The true purpose of religion is so that YOU can become more aware of ME,
not the other way around.
Believe Me, I know you already.
I know what's in each of your hearts,
and I love you anyway with no strings attached.
So, lighten up and enjoy Me.
That's what religion's best for.
What you seem to forget is how mysterious I am.
You look at the petty differences in your scriptures
and you say, "Well, if "this" is the truth, then "that" can't be."
But instead of trying to figure out My paradoxes and unfathomable nature --
which, by the way, you never will --
why not open your hearts to the simple, common threads
of every religion?
You know what I'm talking about.
Play nice with each other.
Love and respect everyone.
Even when life is scary or confusing,
take courage and be of good cheer,
for I'm always with you.
And learn how to be quiet,
so that you can hear My still, small voice.
I don't like to shout.
Leave the world a better place
by living your life with dignity and gracefulness,
for you are My own child.
Hold back nothing from life,
for the parts of you that can die surely will,
and the parts that can't,
So,.......... don't worry, be happy.
(I stole that last line from Bobby McFerrin,
but Who gave it to him in the first place?)
Simple stuff now.
Why do you keep making it so complicated?
It's like you're always looking for an excuse to be upset.
And I am very tired of being your main excuse.
Do you think whether you call Me
God, or Yahweh, or Jehovah, Allah,
Shakti, even the Void of Nirvana,
it is any skin of my divine nose?
Do you think the Sanathan Dharma
is anything superior
or inferior to Hassidism?
Or Christianity closer to me
Do you think I care which of My Special Children
you feel closest to --
Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed
or any of the others?
You can call Me any names you choose,
if only you will go about My business of loving one another
as I love you.
How can you keep neglecting something so simple?
No, I am not telling you to abandon your religions.
Enjoy your religions, honor them,
learn from them,
just as you should enjoy, honor, and learn from your parents.
But do you walk around telling everyone
that your parents are better than theirs?
Your religion, like your parents,
may always have the most special place in your heart.
I don't mind that at all.
And I don't want you to combine all of the great traditions into One Big New-Age Mess.
Each religion is unique for a reason.
Each has a unique style so that people can find the best path for themselves.
But My Special Children -- the ones that your religions revolve around --
all live in the same place in My heart,
and they let me assure you,
they get along among themselves
The clergy must stop creating
a myth of sibling rivalry
where there is none.
Cain did not kick the shit out of Abel.
My blessed children of Earth,
the world has grown too small
for your pervasive religious bigotries and confusion.
The whole planet is now connected by air travel, satellite dishes,
telephones, web-cam, SMS,
Rock concerts, bird-flue diseases, global warming.
And with mutual needs and concerns.
Get on with the program!
If you really want to celebrate me,
then commit yourselves to figuring out
how to feed your hungry
and clothe your naked,
and protect your abused
and shelter your poor,
the hungry, naked, poor,
not just of "your" religion
but the poor and hungry
from the "other's religion.
A Hindu, let him clothe a poor Muslim,
a Christian protect an abused Buddhist,
an Islamic shelter a hungry Hindu.
And just as important,
make your own everyday life
a shining example of kindness and good humor.
I've given you all the resources you need,
if only you abandon your fear of each other
and begin living, loving
And don't worry about the asteroid hitting you guys in 2014.
I will have a look at that errant piece of rock,
heading your way.
Finally, My children everywhere,
remember whose birthday you honor
on what you call Christmas Day,
or Shiv Jayanti
or Gokul Ashtami or Mohharrum or
Guru Nanak Jayanti
or any of the other special days that you celebrate.
Remember the fearlessness
with which that person chose to live and die.
As I love them
so do I love each of you.
Now, I am not really ticked off.
I just wanted to grab your attention
because I hate to see you suffer.
So what can I do now other than try to influence you
through reason, persuasion,
and a little old-fashioned guilt and manipulation?
After all, you know I am the original Jewish Mother.
I just want you to be happy,
and I'll sit in the dark.
I really am,
indeed I swear,
Trust in Me.
Now Sandeep stop monopolizing the schnapps.
You know there is more
from where that came from.